Wanna know what really steams my cabbage? Writers who can’t write. I don’t mean the subjective type of “can’t write” — I’m talking honest-to-God cannot write. You know the ones I’m talking about. They generally write noone or eachother or thankyou all like that, as one word. Or they tend to still think A LOT is one word too. And yet… they embarrass themselves by announcing to the world that they are, in fact, writers. Sorry… but… ouchie for them. Let’s see what other things make Ms. Paisley wanna blow a gasket from her “author” brethren….

There’s….
- The pseudo-word “anyways”.
- Headhopping (UGH!)
- Badly tagged dialogue. IE: “You’re drunk!” she hissed! (note, no S’s… so no hissing allowed) or “You’re so silly,” she laughed (um, no… you have to say the line, then give the action, you can’t do both at the same time even though technically, you might think you do it in real life.)
- Reflection descriptions… this is a tricky one, but most times it’s done soooo poorly. For instance: Greta looked at the oversized bear of a man. He’d do, she thought with a mischievous twinkle in her green eyes. Did you see what was wrong there? That’s right… you can’t be in Greta’s head and also have her see her own eyes… ergo no seeing the green color, or that mischievous twinkle. Cut it.
- While I’m thinking about it: the word mischievous. It is NOT mischievious. No such word. Please don’t use it.
- Another pretend word is IRREGARDLESS. Nope. It’s just REGARDLESS — regardless of what you may have thought.
- And while I’m at it, let’s go over IT’S. IT’S is simply a contraction for IT IS. It’s can show ownership — but rarely. More often than not, it’s going to be ITS. IE: The horse limped away, its leg injured.
- the word DEFINITELY… it has NO A in it. Please don’t throw one in there (definately).

Ohh there’s so much more I have to touch on, but I’m afraid that’s all the nitpicking I can do for one entry. More next time, I promise.

Toodles!

Currently reading: .

Right…. (said like the boss in OFFICE SPACE). About that….

I’ve got the oldies channel on and — alas — they got Mickey J on and he’s like, soooo NOT bad. Funny thing, when the song came on, I asked my husband “Oh! Is this Weird AL?” Thinking it was “I’m FAT!” Now that was a fun song! Hmmm.. MJ certainly has gone past the whole parody, hasn’t he? Maybe his comeback song should be “I’m Sad!” That’d work!

So yeah… anyway… here’s something funny. There was a lady who got all “Up in mah b’ness” (did I sound BAD or SAD there? Hmm, ok, I’ll stop). Anyway, she argued with me and the customer is always right and all that crapola but she was way wrong. But she was acting like a giant ass. So I said NICELY, “Ma’am, there’s no need to act like that and make a scene. People are staring at you.” I thought that’d embarrass her into shush-ville. But alas, she kept riding that nut-wave. Then she said, “I’m not an idiot” (Ahem, I sooo didn’t tell her she was. She just lost some a $3 object and couldn’t tell us where it went. We were going to just write it off — until she went mongo cuckoo on us). She starts hollering that we were treating her like she robbed the Bank of London (wow… aren’t there banks CLOSER to rob than that? Oh well, it’s her fantasy tirade, I’ll let her ride it) The kicker came when she lobbed a book at me (I hadn’t said one word since inhaled and started rattling off this whole spiel) and shouted, “I’m in MENSA!! Are YOU in Mensa?” to which I smiled and said, “As a matter of fact I am. What chapter do YOU belong to?” (I’m betting it’s in London). I thought her head was going to explode. Then she turned and stormed out. Oh well. That was fun. Weee! Nothing like having a MENSA meltdown in front of amazed customers.

Ah ok. So you want to know what’s up on the pubbing front, eh? Well, I queried a bunch of agents online and THEN after I did that, I found out from my pub’d friends that I’d totally done it all wrong. *sigh* But even doing it wrong, I got a request for a partial. YIPPEE! And I’ll be sending that off tomorrow (yes, I know it’s SUNDAY, but I can run it by and drop it in the mail chute. My armsies is too short to reach it and pull it back out once it goes down there.) I think that’s my best bet. Or I’ll probably keep tampering with it. BAH! Damn you perfectionist gene!!

So that’s all. I’ll be back soon with more exciting news (this is where you OOooh and AAaaah).

Just a quick HI HI HI!! Before I disappear back into edit mode. Yeah. Here’s the deal. Michelle G turned me down (truth be told, I kind of think she might be overwhelmed by lots of subs, because it didn’t appear as if the paperclip had been removed at all. *sigh* But again, I think she was just overloaded. But hey, I understand. And it’s ok. I have had some great responses from a few other agents and I’ll let you know how that goes! Fingers crossed, pahleeez!

Ok, back to editing. I swear I’m going to catch up on this blog thing soon. Do you like the new digs? I know.. took me long enough! Anyway, I promise to be back SOON! I am also going to redo a lot of my webpage and see what I come up with. I love to redecorate!

See ya later!
And yeah, I’m done with the cutesy sign-off things. No more paisley colors.

I’ve gone missing! But it’s not for long! I’m getting some new digs set up in here. I’ve grown weary of this layout. I just have to find one I like. So — until I get it cleaned up around here, I’ll be in absentia. Don’t cry! Oh wait, that’s me. *sniffle*

Okay.. I’ve been tagged again. Or memed as they call it now. Whatever, I been got!

Thanks, Bonnie!

Here goes:

Four jobs I’ve had:
1. Telephone Operator (City and state, please?)
2. Emergency Dispatcher (Waaaay too much stress!)
3. Secretary (I still made rotten coffee though)
4. Crazy Woman in a Haunted House (Yes, it’s true. There is a call for that - and I answered it.)

Four things I want to do before I die:
1. Get PUBLISHED (by a reputable publisher, of course)
2. Visit Europe (I wish the trip there wasn’t so long — or in a steel trap with jet engines)
3. Get out of debt (I’d say win the lottery, but that’ll probably NEVER happen)
4. Own/build a dream house with a swimming pool

Four things I say a lot:
1. “Where’s my bra?” (While that may sound sexy to some, it’s definitely not. I hate the ol’ shoulder boulder holder and I immediately whip it off and slingshot it across the room when I get home each day. The next day I’m desperately searching for it and hollering “Where’s my bra???” Thank goodness I have plenty of spares.)
2. “Where’s the remote?” (It’s usually lost amongst the comforter with me)
3. “Thank you.” & “You’re welcome.” (I can’t help it — it’s reflex!)
4. “I love you.” (What can I say, I’m a hopeless romantic.)

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Seafood — but especially oysters (Fixed any way — but NOT raw!)
2. Crab Rangoon (That’s where I spend most of my time at the all-you-can-eat buffets!)
3. Chocolate (Any kind. Light or dark. With nuts or not. I ain’t picky. GIMMEE!)
4. Homegrown tomatoes and perfectly ripe watermelons (Man, on summer days — there’s nothing better!)

Four people I’d like to curse:
1. Anyone and everyone directly responsible for the sad state of the world today.
2. Pigheaded, argumentative, ignorant, obnoxious people. (I’m sure you know the “type” - either in person or online. And they’re the kind that usually know just enough about a computer to cyber-pester the rest of the world.)
3. Assholes with cell phones in a movie theatre!!!! (My blood pressure sky-rockets just thinking about them!)
4. Assholes driving as they yammer on their cell phones!! Argh!! Totally ignoring the rules of the road as he/she jabbers on and steers with one hand. (Shaking fist!!)

Four people from history I’d like to meet:
1. Anne Frank
2. Helen Keller
3. Albert Einstein
4. Ben Franklin

Four movies I watch over and over:
1. Ever After
2. Always
3. Xmen (1 & 2)
4. The Sixth Sense

Four people I’d like to tag
1. Donna
2. Beth
3. Hunter
4. Deborah

Listening to Bob Marley’s version of Red Red Wine is soooo out there, so I’m adding it to my closing line tonite:

Red PAISLEY wine you make me feel so fine
Monkey pack him rizla on the sweet dep line
The line broke, the monkey get choke
Burn bad ganja pon him little rowing boat

Whoa… that’s like… wow… No idea. But fun to listen to, ya mon?

…Bay-Bee! Let’s talk about you and me….. Remember that song? Salt-n-Pepper! Whatever happened to those girls? I really liked them! Hmmm… sad that they seemed to have just faded away. *Cry!*

Anyway, back to sex. Look what fascinating report I found. And read it closely.. it’s not long.

Sex calms nerves before public speaking - study
Wed Jan 25, 2:26 PM ET

Forget pretending you are talking to one person or concentrating on a single point in the audience — having sex is good way to calm nerves before giving a speech or presentation.

But Stuart Brody, a psychologist at the University of Paisley *preen!* in Scotland, said it has to be full sexual intercourse to get the best results.

He studied nearly 50 men and women who recorded their sexual activities for two weeks and analyzed its impact on their blood pressure levels when under acute stress, such as when giving a speech.

Brody discovered that the volunteers who had sexual intercourse were the least stressed and had blood pressure levels that returned to normal more quickly than people who engaged in other types of sex.

But people who had abstained from sex had the highest blood pressure response to stress.

Even after taking into account stress due to work or other factors, the range of responses to stress were best explained by sexual behavior.

“The effects are not attributable simply to the short-term relief afforded by orgasm but rather, endure for at least a week,” Brody told New Scientist magazine said on Wednesday.

He believes that the release of the so-called “pair bonding” hormone oxytocin might explain the calming effect.

Verrrrrra interesting, yes? I know!

Egads, the city is out cutting trees today. My day off, mind you. Nothing funner than hearing the sweet sound of powersaws and limbs being crunched up by a chomper truck. Blah.

Nothing on the agent front. No word. Nada. I had my MIL last week so I wrote nothing a’tall.

Oh, here’s a few more fun stuff people come looking for on my site:

“Miss Snark”
Cool Writing Front
leslie wainger
Fyodor Vassilyev *this was the multiple twins’ family I commented on*
beth boopies
To gnaw nails
blindfolds
BILLY DON SCOTT.COM *they yelled it, too!*

paisley worry stone *I need a few of these*

jonathan rhys-meyers quit smoking

mentholatum moment
Michelle Grajkowski

paisley cake *isn’t that cute? I want one!!*

That’s about all the news to catch up on for now, folks!

… if all you told was turned to PAISLEY,
if all you dreamed was new,
imagine sky high above
in Caribbean Blue …

I’ve returned to the blog! Wooot! Oh, how worried you must have been my wonderful, adoring fans.

*cough*

But I swear it wasn’t intentional. Ya see… my MIL was in town and I had “Entertainment” written in bright red ink across my forehead. What’s a gal to do???

Anyway, she left yesterday evening and I’m back in the blog saddle to spew more of my Paisley-isms your way.

Do you know I actually had someone hit my page after searching the internet for “eeeeeeeee“. Yes, you heard me correctly. Eeeeeeeee. That’s 1 e, followed my 8 of the same. Weird, huh? I love to see what key words land people here. There’s also: my hot actress dimple. No idea how they landed on my blog with that.

I’ve been working extra - which kinda sucks (til I get the check). But it wears me out. Ugh. Work is definitely one of the worst 4-letter words.

I totally cut my finger the other night — making spaghetti of all things. I was actually chopping garlic - but could only find a filet knife (ok, I only looked in one drawer and that’s what I came out with). But regardless, I was chopping quite nicely when all of a sudden… Seeee-lice! That was the tip of my middle finger on my left hand. OWWWIEEEEEE! That sucked. Now it’s hard to type. You never realize how much you use that middle finger (for non-insulting gestures, I mean). And my Band-Aid keeps falling off. *Cry*.

So with that whine-fest, I’ll sign off. Just checking in.

In the town where I was born
lived a man who sailed to sea.
And he told us of his life
in the land of submarines.
So we sailed up to the sun
til we found the sea of PAISLEY.
And we lived beneath the waves
in our yellow submarine.

And it’s to BE PUBLISHED! In honor of Martin Luther King, jr, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on my dream. And of course, throw some prayers heavenward in hopes they’ll be heard and (possibly) answered! I’m off work today — but that doesn’t mean I’m not working. I took a day off from writing, however, because Hunter’s mother is coming. I’m sure you can only imagine what the woman who birthed Mr Outspoken is like, huh? As Miss Snark says: Oye!

On the writing front — nothing new. Still waiting to hear from Michelle G, but I’m not getting antsy. I’ve got quite a few things going on my personal plate to keep me occupied.

So what do you think of Angelina and Brad all preggers, etc? Yeah, yeah, I’m sure the kid will be beautiful. Actually, you never know. Look at Christie Brinkley. She was totally gorgeous. Then went and married Billy Joel. He’s kind of a runt, but I’ve seen worse lookers in my day. But I’d be gigantically pissed if I was their daughter, Alexa. Sure she was cute when she was small: take a look here and here but she got all her daddy’s looks and none of Christie’s. Sure, she’s a sweet-looking girl, see here. A supermodel mom and a not-bad looking (when he was younger) rock star dad — and the kid turns out to just look average. Like everyone else. Hey, I’m not saying that’s a BAD thing — no no no. Just that the whole world was expecting SO much from that celebrity breeding — and poor girl is just normal. That’s going to be so AWFUL for the Jolie-Pitt kid (as well as other celeb’s who breed) — living under the paparazzi microscope.

I got off tangent. I meant to say that I was kind of pissed that Jolie and Pitt kind of did this whole “getting together” thing kinda chicken-shit. I mean Jennifer Aniston was never my fave actress, but she sure didn’t deserve to be treated like this. They (especially BRAD) could have been a little more honest with her. He shoudl have told her. And then it comes out that she (Jennifer) found out with the rest of the world that Jolie was preggers from the paper. That’s kinda high-school crap if you ask me (and I realize no one did, but hey, that’s my opinion and the wonderful thing about blogs, right?) Check out the latest story. Psst: (what’s up with Brad’s outfit? I mean now that he’s banging Miss Hottie and she’s carrying his kid, he thinks he’s 20-something again? C’mon already.. you’re in your 40s. Turn the ball cap frontways at least, playah!). The bump is obvious here in this article. And here is one more pic of a Brad Pitt Fashion DON’T and the bump, I mean Angelina

I need to get some sleep then wake up and clean some more. Weeee!

PAISLEY Moon
You saw me standing alone
Without a dream in my heart
Without a love of my own…

Look how fun! Miss Snark should LOVE me!

So what’s been going on with me, you ask? Oh. You didn’t ask? Oh. Well, anyway. I have been Spring/Fall/Winter cleaning. Out with the old (or rather, to Ebay we go!) and trash the rest. Ugh. I’m living in clutterville! I should really buy an island. I could so totally do that. If I had about 7 or 8 million buckaroonies on me. Maybe I’ll put that on my wish list.

Hey, about that lottery thing. Wasn’t I supposed to win it? I thought so too. Funny thing is, this time I actually BOUGHT tickets and I honestly think they should reward people for NOT GETTING ONE DAMN NUMBER ON ANY OF THE TICKETS! I mean, c’mon.. that’s trippy. Not one single number. I was off by one or two numbers on 3 tickets… spooky….

No word on the writing front. I’m finishing up my paranormal (that’s especially said for miss Shelby who keeps hollering at me in my comments!! LOL!) I swear I’m working on it! Or at least thinking of working on it. Ok ok, I’m planning and plotting and thinking of the best way to backtrack to rewrite the last section (that had me stalled out waaay back when). I’ll work on it and see what I come up with. I’m still working on some of the final edits of the ms I shipped off (well, I shipped the first 3 chaps) to 3 Seas. THEN … *maniacal laugh* THEN… I shall tie it up with a pretty pink gossamer bow and set it aside. Afterwards, I’ll bring out Serenity’s Chance and finito it. (Scout’s honor!)

Well, I passed on the Meme stuffage to Donna and Monique and so far Miz M has been the only one to respond. But she did a bang-up job. Donna has company. Yeppers. Her son’s galpal came in town with her Mama in tow. Sooooo I’m sure she’s waaaaay stressed. I’ll give her time to finish and not pressure her. Poor thing. I’ll pray for her… and perhaps keep a priest on standby. And maybe a rabbi. And a Jedi Knight, too.

So that’s it. I’m off to see what sort of trouble I can find in the other room (the one I’m supposed to be cleaning, mind you). Ugh!

From the soundtrack of: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum

Everybody ought to have a maid,
Someone who you hire when you’re short of help
To offer you the sort of help
You never get from a spouse:
Fluttering up the stairway,
Shuttering up the windows,
Cluttering up the bedroom,
Buttering up the master,
Puttering all around the house!
Oh, oh, wouldn’t PAISLEY be delicious,
Tidying up the dishes,
Neat as a pin.
Oh, oh, wouldn’t she be delightful,
Sweeping out,
Sleeping in.

(Paisley: um. yeah right)

So I’ve been a bit under the weather. But I’m better now and ready to update!

While I was incapacitated, I was ruthlessly MEMED by Hunter! Who promptly blamed it on Nienke… So without further ado… here’s my retaliation! And I shall pass it on to Donna and Monique. Here we go:

Seven Things to Do Before I Die

1. Get published by a NY Publisher (ohpleaseohpleaseohplease)
2. Visit Europe (especially Scotland)
3. Become financially stable (out of the red zone and back into the black zone)
4. Buy/Build my “dream house” (dependent on #3)
5. Use Algebra at least once in the “real world” (I was promised in 9th grade this would happen and I’m still waiting)
6. Become more eco-friendly (hybrid car, solar power, etc)
7. Get organized

Seven Things That Attracted Me to My DH

1. His quick wit
2. His charm
3. His beautiful baby blues
4. His cute butt
5. His sincerity
6. His sweetness
7. His big heart
(had to add: His sense of humor and his gorgeous smile with that delicious dimple!)

Seven Books I Love Most

1. What Dreams May Come - by Richard Matheson
2. One Lavender Evening - by Karen Keast
3. The Wyrd Sisters - by Terry Pratchett
4. A Fine Work of Art - by Shelby Reed
5. The Loved One - by Evelyn Waugh
6. The Conqueror - by Brenda Joyce
7. The Shining - by Stephen King

Seven Movies I Love Most

1. Ever After
2. Never Been Kissed
3. Finding Nemo
4. Shrek (1 & 2)
5. Aliens
6. Monsters, Inc
7. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

Seven Things I Can’t Do

1. Close the kitchen cabinets or drawers
2. Say NO to Baskin-Robbin’s cake
3. Reach the high shelves without a stool
4. Rap
5. Yodel
6. Draw faster than the fastest gun in the west
7. Do advanced calculus

Seven Words or Phrases I Say Most Often

1. Crapper doo!
2. Blabbity Blab
3. Slowly
4. Hmmph
5. Anyhoo
6. Awwww
7. Bleh
(had to add: MULLLL and BYEEEE)

On the writing front.. nothing really new. I saw where the postage stamps went up this week and I totally slapped myself in the forehead for not knowing that info before sending my mss to Michelle @ 3 Seas so I sent her an email and told her she could just shred the manuscript instead of having her pay 20 more cents to ship it back to me if she rejects it. Of course my HOPE is that she won’t need to use the SASE anyway, but … who knows? I try to remain optimistic.

Saw a few movies this weekend as I convalesced. Here’s a run down:
Mr & Mrs Smith - I didn’t care for, but you could definitely see the chemistry between Brad and Angelina on camera.
Must Love Dogs - I thought it was cute. I’m a huge John Cusack fan, soooooo I was pretty biased going into it.
Wedding Crashers - It was cute and funny and the banter between Owen Wilson and Vince Vaughn was hilarious at times. I totally don’t agree with some of those mean people on IMDB that say Owen’s nose looks like a penis. It’s a cute nose. It has a lot of character. Hmmph!
Bringing Down The House - Yeah yeah, I’ve seen it before, but I can’t get enough of seeing Steve Martin doing his hip hop dance moves. OMG, it had me straight-trippin’, Boo!
Kingdom of Heaven - Uh, ok. I’ll be the first to admit, I’m a HUGE Orlando Bloom fan — as well as a pretty big Ridley Scott fan. But this movie? El Stinky! It was pretty painful to get through.
Being There - Always a classic. I was never a big Peter Sellers fan, but in this movie, he won me over. Loved it.
Alien - The original (I also love Aliens, but don’t even think of showing me Alien 3 — blah!) and this was fun to watch while listening to the commentary by director Ridley Scott. Fascinating — even after nearly 30 yrs!! (it was made in 1978 and released in 79)
Batman Begins - Excuse me while I drool over Christian Bale. YUMMY! This is a wonderful “do-over” of what I hope to be a great series for the caped crusader! Seeing Mr Bale fly around in that form fitting bat suit is a real treat. Ahhhh…

Well, I suppose that’s all the news that’s fit to print today. Til we meet again, remember:

I never meant 2 cause u any sorrow
I never meant 2 cause u any pain
I only wanted 2 one time see u laughing
I only wanted 2 see u laughing in the PAISLEY rain